Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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