Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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