I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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