How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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