The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize