Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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