I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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