I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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