Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
