im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
