It's like a parade of train wrecks.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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