ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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