OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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