i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
