im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
