I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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