Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
