Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
