The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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