If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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