I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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