She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
