if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
