I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
