Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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