i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
