OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
