Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
