Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
