I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
