Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize