Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
