If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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