i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
