He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We are two peas in an std pod
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
