I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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