I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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