Capitaan dildo arrescate!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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