you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just high enough for therapy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
