The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
