A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Send help, water and tortillas.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
