I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
