found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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