i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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