Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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