So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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