Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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