You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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