Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
