i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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