Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
