I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
