as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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