Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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