I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
