oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
