I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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