can u get pink eye on your cock?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
