I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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