trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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