I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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