Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
