So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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