it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
